Ebook Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood
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Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood
Ebook Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood
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Review
“Anyone who lives or works with boys and men should read Real Boys.†―Gail Sheehy“A thoughtful and sensitive discussion of contemporary American boyhood.†―Dr. Robert Coles, author of The Moral Intelligence of Children“Just as Reviving Ophelia opened our eyes to the challenges faced by adolescent girls, Real Boys helps us hear and respond to the needs of growing boys.†―Judith Jordan, Ph.D., Harvard Medical School
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From the Back Cover
Based on William Pollack's groundbreaking research at Harvard Medical School for more than two decades, Real Boys explores this generation's "silent crisis": why so many boys are sad, lonely, and confused although they may appear tough, cheerful, and confident. Pollack challenges conventional expectations about manhood and masculinity that encourage parents to treat boys as little men, raising them through a toughening process that drives their true emotions underground. Only when we understand what boys are really experiencing, says Pollack, can parents and teachers help them develop more self-confidence and the emotional savvy they need to deal with issues such as depression and violence, drugs and alcohol, sexuality and love.
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Product details
Paperback: 480 pages
Publisher: Owl Books; 1 edition (April 1999)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 9780805061833
ISBN-13: 978-0805061833
ASIN: 0805061835
Product Dimensions:
5.5 x 1.3 x 8.3 inches
Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.1 out of 5 stars
95 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#173,478 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
This was the first book I read about the patriarchal male gender role and the male gender role straight jacket. I read it in my 30's I had started my career as a biochemist and had just transitioned to social work before I read it. I was working at an AIDS services organization. I write this 3 years after my first reading, I work as in mental health promoting client-centered exploration and self-development in an innovative capacity. It's 2018 and I live in one of the most liberal, feminist communities in the US - the topic of the day is toxic masculinity. One might perceive it is a very hostile place for men, and in some ways it is, but in many ways, there is a transformational opportunity around every aspect of masculinity. In a post #Meetoo world, we need to recognize that toxic masculinity has oppressed women, and transfemme as well as non-hetero, and non-cis men. But let's be real, the primary target of the poison contained within the male gender role straight jacket is men or anyone who has tried to be or is becoming a man or masculine. William Pollack and Mary Pipher's book "Real Boys" is an excellent review of how we turn boys into men; how we take the innocent and develop the destructive. I regularly quote this book - and hand it to people of all genders, ages, and perspectives. If we are to save ourselves we need to know ourselves and if we are to excise the toxicity from masculinity we need to understand how our parents, out teachers, our peers, and society introduced and nurtured the cancerous aspects of masculine culture. Very worth the read.
There is lots in the media about young women, but seldom do we look at the trials of our young men. This book clearly explains the pressures and cultures our society is putting on young boys to "be a man." This is a thoughtful, well-research book with practical suggestions for both teachers and parents. As a mother of three men, as well as a teacher of hundreds, I know that they are suffering and lonely. Pollack explains why and how to change the conversation, both with the boys as well as with society. A must read for anyone that has to help young men come to maturity in our less than advantageous society.
As the sister of six brothers and the mother of two boys, I found myself agreeing with the author on many fronts.What the author calls "The Boy Code" is what Steven Covey would probably call using efficiency rather than effectiveness as a goal in raising males. The problem is that efficiency leaves the boy with a limited arsenal when it comes to understanding and taking responsibility for his own emotional life. It certainly leaves the boy with limited resources when it comes to understanding or helping others who are wrestling with problems in their own inner life. The lie of "The Boy Code" is that recognizing one's own "negative" emotions is a self-indulgence that simply makes a person weak, a weakness that is permissible in famales, but not in males. Nothing could be further from the truth.We don't do our boys any favors by teaching them to ignore their own emotions. We also do them a disservice if we let the expectations learned from females dictate what kind of emotional life we expect of males. I know men who live by what this book is espousing. They aren't "wimps", as some reviewers have implied that boys raised in this way will be. They are adults who understand their own emotions well enough to not be unknowingly ruled by them. They know when they are angry, they can admit when they feel fear, and they know how to choose to act under those circumstances, rather than simply reacting, which is what people who refuse to acknowledge their own inner life tend to do. They are certainly not men who expect themselves to experience emotion in the same way as their wives or other women in their lives do, nor do they feel some authority to dictate emotional taboos to other men. They process their emotions in their own ways, they let others do the same, and they don't apologize for it.I wouldn't, however, limit the observations in this book to boys. There are women and girls who, for whatever reason, have learned to live by what the author calls "The Boy Code." There are men who don't process their emotions as this book implies that men raised in earlier decades will. For that reason, I would caution that the reader not presume after reading this book that he or she now "understands men." The book gives tools for understanding others and helping them to understand themselves, and points out some ineffective but "efficient" ways that people often use in dealing with strong emotion. Knowing these common human patterns isn't a substitute for paying attention to the actions and emotional style of the person you're actually dealing with.The reviewers who complain that the book takes a great many pages to repeat the same story over and over have a point. A reader who does not want or need so many examples to get the author's point won't lose much by simply skimming the book after the first 100-200 pages or so.
Lots of good info and suggestions for anyone interested in maintaining a good relationship with boys and even men in there life. A must read if you have a young son etc.
When I worked in counseling, I recommended this book to many people (along with the accompanying work-book). All to often, people write off the emotions in boys, and forget that they do have them.Learn about the boy code, as defined by Dr. Pollack. He is brilliant with his views. If you read Real Boys: Voices, you will find that kids really do believe what this guy talks about.I do call this a text book though. You do not need to read this cover to cover to benefit from its message. Open to the chapter that is most relevant to your situation, and read it. I have recommended this book to a lot of people to include: a friend who was dating a woman with a teen boy, and didnt know how to handle that, also to parents (dads and moms) when they were struggling with communicating with their teen sons, and also therapists.Anyone who works with boys of all ages should read this. You will be profoundly educated as to what society has done to create hardship for boys who want to show their emotions; a healthy display of emotions is a human condition, not just a girl condition.
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